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Starburst by ~Draco4Ever:iconDraco4Ever:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open




I walk down the hallways
Unpeeling a Starburst wrapper
One corner lifted
Preoccupying myself
Preventing myself from looking at you
Another corner lifted
Closing my mind to thoughts of you
Diverting my eyes from her arms around your neck
Your hands on her waist
I can't help it
I want to throw up
I don't understand
What does she have that I don't?
What makes her so different from me?
Then again, what reason do I have
For feeling the way I do about you?
The Starburst is unwrapped now
I pop it in my mouth
And keep walking
©2004-2010 ~Draco4Ever
:icondraco4ever:

Author's Comments

Um...yeah...thought this up as I was leaving school...eating Starburst of course :D....um...I don't think this one is very good either...and criticism is always welcome...

Thanks for reading!!

Comments


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:iconnightshaded:
~nightshaded Jun 7, 2004, 1:20:33 PM
aww I like it. : ) I have to say I've had much the same kind of thoughts. mm But candy will never die. Unless I leave it in my purse all summer as usual umm yes but anyway, I liked that you used that fraction of a moment that it takes to open a starburst to frame your thoughts. It made what could have been a really cliched poem about seeing your love into something that was a lot more amusing to read.
:iconjaymp:
~jaymp Jun 7, 2004, 2:35:15 PM
I like this a lot Anna! Good job showing your thoughts/feelings. It rings true for so many people, I'm sure. The incorporation of the starburst really made it something unique. Awesome!

--
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato.
:iconmuskratalex:
~MuskratAlex Jun 7, 2004, 3:37:32 PM
Mm. Starburst. I want some. *Steals* :D

I like it, how you used something so weird as candy to associate a moment. Only thing I could find wrong with it was a typo, in this line:
Diverting my eyes from her arms around you neck

I think it should be your. But that's okay. :D

--
"So I...I will paint you in silver
I will wrap you in cold"

--Silver and Cold, by AFI
:iconcoolgreeneyes88:
~Coolgreeneyes88 Jun 7, 2004, 4:42:03 PM
Wowsers. That was very creative! I like!

Im just glad the guys I like dont have girl friends. If they ever.....I shall hurt them! Just Kidding.

Really nice Anna, really nice.

--
Love Always,
Cool

As I walked up the stairs I met a man who wasnt there, he wasnt there again today. I wish I wish hed go away.
:iconvogueit:
~VogueIt Jun 8, 2004, 7:35:07 AM
Do you have any wrappers left for me? lol

It's really unique, Anna, and very well done. :)

--
Blogspot * Wifey

:heart: Julie
:icondraco4ever:
~Draco4Ever Jun 19, 2004, 8:27:04 PM
Thanks for reviewing this one too...when I get a chance I'll take a look at some of your stuff, but right now I'm up to my neck in messages to reply to...:meep:...I promise I'll get there someday though....

--
~Anna~

"It should be about necessity, not accessory." ~Jake
:icondraco4ever:
~Draco4Ever Jun 19, 2004, 8:33:03 PM
Oh yeah, thanks, I fixed it now.

--
~Anna~

"It should be about necessity, not accessory." ~Jake
:icondraco4ever:
~Draco4Ever Jun 19, 2004, 8:34:23 PM
Thanks. Nope, no wrappers. I need them for my messenger bag....:D

--
~Anna~

"It should be about necessity, not accessory." ~Jake
:icondraco4ever:
~Draco4Ever Jun 19, 2004, 8:37:33 PM
I fonly I could be so lucky....*sigh*

--
~Anna~

"It should be about necessity, not accessory." ~Jake
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